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连句成文,有章可循——兼谈英语段落的写作

发表时间:2020-11-20 11:49:07

武小慧

山东平邑二中高中外语组   武小慧   张华

经过前期的学习,同学们遣词造句能力有了很大提高,对提示中要点句子的表达不再感到困难。从某种意义上来说,春节后这段时间除了继续进行选词造句练习外,我们还要加强连句成段/文训练,即把写作重点放在构段谋篇上,以快速结构文章,完成规定的写作任务。

进行构段谋篇层次上的写作训练,是写好文章的关键。构段谋篇与遣词造句不同,后者要按语法和习惯表达造句,前者则要考虑文章结构、句子间衔接以及句式表达多样化等问题。下面笔者试结合指导高三学生写作的经验,介绍几点如下,以期帮助同学们提高写作能力。

一、合理分段,层次清晰

    书面表达是主观题。阅卷时率先进入老师眼帘的是卷面、文章结构,因此我们既要重视卷面整洁,又要重视段落写作,即按时间、空间或其他逻辑顺序把相关联的内容安排在相应的段落内,从而做到主题突出、结构合理,层次清晰。这定会给阅卷老师留下美好的第一印象。

近年高考英语作文范文及高分作文,绝大多数为2-3段,还有个别范文为4段。即使当年提供范文为一个段落的,在评卷时老师还是十分喜欢看到段落层次清晰的文章。请看下面的习作(根据2014年四川卷写作)。  

习作一

Dear Sam,

Thank you for your concern.(1) Now I’m writing to tell you of something about my college entrance examination(2). As usual, the examination is held on June 7th and 8th(3). On the first day, Chinese and math will be tested while geography, history, politics and English will be tested on the second(4). As for me, I’ve been busy studying hard, preparing for it in the last ten months(5). Whats more, I’ve learned many important skills from our teachers(6). I can do well in each subject and rank the top ten students in our class(7). So now I’m not afraid of the examination but confident of myself(8). As far as the test questions are concerned, I was afraid of math, but at last I worked out all the problems(9). Therefore, I believe I can get a satisfying mark and I’m sure I can succeed(10).  

Best wishes!

                                                           Yours,

                                                            Li Xia

该习作语言准确,且有效使用了连词、过渡词语,在内容上依次讲述了考试日期与科目、考试准备情况以及考试时状态、对试题的感受和预测可能的结果等。但是,习作者没有分段,缺少框架意识,把所有内容混搭在一起,给阅卷老师判卷带来了困难,影响了得分。

如果把该文分为三段,即句(1)(2)为第一段;句(3)(8)为第二段,句(9)(10)为第三段。这样段落分明,结构清晰,自然会受到阅卷老师的青睐,起评分自然就高。

建议:从结构或段落入手进行练笔。无论何种体裁的文章,23段式的写作至关重要。在必要时,在段落中可使用主题句(见习作三斜体部分),其他所有句子都围绕主题(句)展开;同时所有段落又都为全文中心大意服务。  

 二、适当发挥,丰富充实

 在写作提示中有“可以适当增加细节,以使行文连贯”的要求。其实,如果仅罗列提示中的要点,这样拼凑出来的文章难免似一副缺少血肉的骨架,更谈不上有生气了。要使文章有血有肉,就要展开要点句,在合乎所给情景以及英语习惯的前提下,适当扩展句子,或添加一些提示中没有提及但对烘托主题又十分必要的信息。请看:

习作二:Its such a pleasant surprise to hear from you. Thanks for the nice gift you sent me. I like it very much. At the same time, I truly appreciate what youve done for me during my stay in your country. Its nice and generous of you to do all this.

这是一篇很有特色的表达“感谢”的片段。文中采用多种形式表达了“感谢”,同时还添加了划线部分,这就使“感谢”更加真诚,符合英语感谢场景。

【温馨提示】细节的发挥应合情合理,不能“跑偏了”,否则会让人有“滥竽充数”的感觉,导致得分档次的降低。再请看一个向图书馆老师推荐科普类图书的片段(根据2014浙江卷所写):

习作三I suggest buying popular science books. Popular science books offer us students basic knowledge about science and are helpful to deal with daily problems in a scientific way. Above all, we are all curious about scientific discoveries. However, science books are sometimes hard to read and understand, especially those in English even harder to understand.

该段第一句为主题句,后面两个句子为推荐理由,但however后的句子却削弱了推荐力度,让人觉得前后矛盾,理应去掉。

建议:为使文章充实丰盈,我们应合理“增添细节”,即紧扣话题和要点句子进行适当添加成分或细节。可以是在原句基础上增加附加信息(成分),也可以另起一句,对前后句进行拓展或联想

三、合并调整,简洁多样

在连句成文时,还会出现诸如句式单调、结构重复或语言冗余等问题。一个句子(包括一些经典句子)独立来看是好句子,但若置于篇章之中未必是适合行文的好句子。因此,需要对这些句子适当调整,完善表达。请看:

习作四:(根据2014安徽卷所写):

   Here is some useful advice for you to control your temper.

   First, you can try to communicate with your parents, and you can communicate with your teachers or friends as well(1). You can get along better with them in order that you can let out your anger(2). You will not hurt them or yourself if you do so(3). Second, it is important to do regular exercise(4). You can play football or basketball(5). Third, it is important to keep high mood (6). You should have good mood every day(7). You should also renew your spirits and release your stress(8). You can have a good attitude towards life and enjoy your beautiful life(9).

这是未加润色而直接合并要点句而成的问题段落,主要表现在表达单调,简单句过多。全段9个句子中,主要是you can, you should it is important,这与“句式多样”的要求相去甚远。

为避免上述问题,我们可对这些句子进行优化组合。如句1,2进行合并,即First, you can try to communicate with your parents, teachers or friends, and get along better with them in order to let out your anger. 3前增加In this way,即In this way, you will not hurt them or yourself.这样突出前后句之间的逻辑关系;句4, 5进行合并,同时用of importance替换important,即Second, it is of importance to do regular exercise, such as playing football or basketball. 6)改变句子开头方式,即Keeping high mood is good for our mental health. 7,8,9也可合并,即You should have a good mood every day, renew your spirits and release your stress, so that you can have a good

    通过以上调整,整个段落长短句结合,还使用了非谓语、省略等复杂结构。句子个数减少了,但语句表现力和凝聚力却增强了。

  建议:在连句成段/文时,可视情况采用添加、合并、简化(包括删减)或替代等方式解决句式单调,结构重复,冗余累赘等问题。

    在练笔时,应在力所能及的情况下,进行一句多译和句型转换练习(如合句或扩句等),还要强化非谓语动词、独立主格、省略结构、介词短语的运用。

四、巧用过渡,浑然一体

     在评分标准中有“上下文的连贯性”和“有效地使用语句间的连接成分,使全文结构紧凑”。这里所说的连贯性,就是指句与句之间、段与段之间衔接合理,条理清楚,通顺连贯。它讲究语言和逻辑上的完整性。除了按语意上的逻辑关系(如时间、空间、递增、递减、列举、归纳、演绎)排列内容外,适当重现关键词(话题词)以及使用过渡词语,也是增加文章凝聚力的重要手段。请看:

习作五I'm Li Hua from Xinhua Middle School. Now I'd like to share my experience in practicing oral English.

I'm always confident and not afraid of making mistakes, which may embarrass me. I often take part in English corners, where I’ve made many friends. Finally, I often watch CCTV-9 and learn the current events going on both at home and abroad.

Practice makes perfect, as the saying goes. Our hard work will finally be rewarded.

该习作仅把采集到的主要点和次要点一一罗列出来,似“一盘散沙”,缺少语句间的连贯性;同时参加英语角交朋友和看CCTV-9似乎与提高口语没有直接的关联,让人一头雾水。

修改后

 I'm Li Hua from Xinhua Middle School. Now I'd like to share my experience in practicing oral English.

Firstly, I'm always confident and brave(1). I seize every opportunity to speak, not afraid of making mistakes which may embarrass me(2). I also find it of great benefit to take part in English corners, where I make many friends(3). By talking with them, my oral English has improved a lot(4). Finally, some English programs like CCTV-9 contribute to the progress in my speaking ability(5). Through this channel, not only am I kept informed of the current events going on both at home and abroad, I also learn the standard pronunciation and intonation by repeated imitation(6).

Practice makes perfect, as the saying goes. Only in this way can we improve our spoken English.

修改后的文章使用了firstly, also, finally,表达清晰; 同时关键词oral English, spoken English以及与之相关的talk, speak, repeat词语,多次出现于文中,突出了主题,也增加了语句间的联系。另外,第一和第二段之间使用了Now Id like to share my experience过渡句;最后Only in this way can we improve our spoken English照应主题,全文紧凑。

另外,句4和句6I also learn)的添加,让读者明白了参加英语角和看CCTV-9对提高英语口语的作用。总之,修改后的文章前后连贯,浑然一体。

建议解决松散、句子游离于段落中的有效方法就是使用连接词、过渡句等,适当增加细节也是增加连贯性的重要手段。 

写作中常见的过渡词语有:first, second, finally; also, besides, furthermore, in addition, whats more, whats worse, worse still; but, however, otherwise, on the contrary, on the other hand; therefore, as a result; as a matter of fact, such as, for exampleall in all, in a word, in conclusion, in ones opinion, in brief等。

总之,在现阶段要重视构段谋篇的练习,注意表达的多样性、复杂性以及上下文的连贯性,写出有特色、有亮点的文章,给获取高分若干个理由。

【牛刀小试】(201411月烟台市期中试题) 假设你是李华,最近你与最好的朋友之间发生了一件不愉快的事情,使你很苦恼,所以写信给某英文报“HEARTTOHEART”专栏的编辑Ruth求助。要点如下:

1.描述事情经过;2.表达你的感受;3.向Ruth求助。

    注意: 1.词数:120左右;

        2.可适当增加细节,以使行文连贯;

        3.开头与结尾已给出,不计入总词数。

Dear Ruth

Im writing to ask you for help._________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________Looking forward to your reply.

Yours

 Li Hua

范文:

Dear Ruth

Im writing to ask you for help.

Recently I’m having some trouble with my best friend Helen, which makes me upset. This is how it happened.

A few weeks ago, Helen did something wrong at school. She told me about it but wouldnt like the teacher or other students to know it. So she asked me to keep it a secret. I promised her. But then one day, Helen came back from the teachers office and shouted at me angrily, saying I’d  broken my promise and let out her secret to the teacher. But I really didnt do that! However hard I tried to explain to her, she simply wouldnt listen to me and decided to break up with me.

 I feel greatly wronged. Worse still, this even affects my normal life and study. Can you help me with my trouble?

Looking forward to your reply.

                                                                  Yours,

                                                                   Li Hua 


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